A Very Funny Baton Rouge Restaurant Review Blog

This is great. See the Urban Spoon. Tip of the Hat to ROd and his entry Ignatius Reilly eats.

Here are a few samples

La Madeleine French Bakery "Barley Soup by Progresso" August 05, 2009 - Doesn't like it - Anyone who believes this Dallas-based chain conjures the charm of Provence should be taken back the levee and shot.
Recommend this review


Hooters "The Epicenter of Male Ugliness" July 22, 2009 - Doesn't like it - Now, I know the girls are supposed to be the attraction here, not the food. In five pairs of pantyhose, anyone can have nice legs.
What I just don't understand is how this scene can suck in such a range of genetic disformities from the tri-parish area.
I am not talking about the waitresses. I will leave them alone because they have to put up with looking at - and pretending to be flattered by the attentions of - the ugliest men who ever escaped a reptile tank.
For a long time, I thought Cape Girardeau, Missouri was America's epicenter of ugly. Then, I went to Hooter's on College Drive in Baton Rouge.
Jeez Louise, these people are ugly. We're talking rank, solid, shithouse trash from Pumpkin Center. Freckles on top of zits-ugly. Prince of Wales-toothed, bat-eared, bugger-eating ugly.
I do believe one gentleman had cancer of the lip.
3 people like this review - Recommend

Dearman's "Glitter Tops and Espedrills Conspire Every Day To Remove This Review From Urbanspoon" June 06, 2009 - Doesn't like it - "Well, hello! And welcome to my home!
I'm exhausted from not having sex with my impotent dentist husband. Let's put on our black stirrup pants, Espedrills and a festive, holiday-themed, baggy glittered top, tool out of our Jefferson Highway McMansions in white Denalis, hit the clearance floor at Dillard's Cortana and, finally, gather at Dearman's for what I am told, by all my menopausal shrew co-conspirators, is Baton Rouge's BEST burger and shake.
And it's only fifteen dollars for a hockey puck-sized, State Fair-grade plug of burned beef and corn syrup freeze.
The day will be half done before the afternoon zinfaldelfest can begin. Oops, I farted."
5 people like this review - Recommend

Sammy's Grill
"It's A Wonderful Life" May 14, 2009 - Doesn't like it - It's so wonderful to have a place where a 45 year-old guy can wear his Tiger colors, one of those tennis hats that's really only a terrycloth brim (circling brown hair that doesn't match a red moustache), denim shorts and those little socks that allow his ankles to breathe.
And a lady can sport her Tuesday Morning bedazzled handbag, a matching wide-load shorts and sleeveless ever-so-slightly distressed denim vest combo, Espedrilles and a Desperate Housewives, Season Two hair color.
They can sit and sit with their friends from Shenandoah, eating boiled crawfish until they're up to their elbows in curry-yellow freshwater feces.
They can drink "a cold one."
They can yell across the bar at the parish District Attorney.
They have it all. Just like Bogie and Bacall.
And a Denali.
3 people like this review - Recommend


LOL

OH AND HERESY HE IS TALKING HERE
Pastime Restaurant & Lounge "Wastime" May 11, 2009 - Doesn't like it - Pizza: Take a Great Value (Walmart brand) unsalted cracker, mist with Windex. Open a can of Chef Boyardee ravioli, scoop out "meat" filling, place meat-ish goo on cracker, flatten, dessicate with heat gun.
The Pastime is where the Baton Rougeouisie take their out-of-town guests in a vainglorious effort to show (perhaps, sadly, to themselves as well) that the town has indigeous culture.
They have fooled themselves, since their glory days of two semesters at LSU, into thinking it's an "Institution." Like the competing cheesesteak stands of Philadephia or the Chicago claimants to inventing deep dish pizza, Pastime is past prime and only functions, these days, as an icon of what a town wants to be and have.
It wants to be a darling Southern town with dynamic, local cafes. It wants to have restaurants where ingredients are blended to create something new.
But is this really going to happen while Feminus B. Rougeouis and Hominus B. Rougeouis confuse mediocrity with longevity? Sometimes there are good reasons restaurants don't survive. But those reasons don't apply in a place where Live After Five is called "fun."
The Pastime survives in the way Don McLean's "American Pie" sticks to every list of the greatest American pop songs. It's no good but it is a known commodity.
The lounge, however, is a great time capsule. But like the British pub at Epcot, it wears thin after one beer. "OK. Seen that. No reason to ever return." And, surely, not for tomato lotion on construction paper.
1 person likes this review - Recommend

He has good reviews but they are not nearly as funny. One last one Many Louisiana folks has one of these Shreveport born creations near them

Monjunis Italian "Insulin Drip on the Side, Please" May 11, 2009 - Doesn't like it - Can you cram more pure high fructose corn syrup into your red sauce? Can you, please? I mean, there are certain laws of physics and formulas for liquid volume but, surely, you are capable of bending them if you have already achieved the stuffing of this many hollow calories into lasagna sauce.
Maybe drizzle melted cotton candy onto my muffuletta? Just start me on an insulin I.V. before you bring the appetizers.
And if the actual sweet infusion doesn't kill you, perhaps you'd like to browse our darling selection of Italian-themed foodstuffs for that self-congratulatory feeling of being such a preciously sweet, urbane shopper. Where did they get all this unsold crappe? Tuesday Morning or Big Lots?
This restaurant is for those people who place a glass bottle filled with arranged olives and pine nuts in the kitchen. They didn't make it, mind you. They bought it at Tanger Outlet. Like Monjuni's, that's not taste, that's a waste
Recommend this review